The Root of Bitterness

My Father's sermon had a enormous effect on me. People easily say Forgive and Forget. I think the easy part is telling yourself to forgive and then blocking it out of your mind. Years later, those same memories and emotions surface because how do we know that we really have Forgotten? In some instances, It has been pretty easy for me to move on when a friend or an acquaintance has offended me. But like everyone else, there are deep- rooted bitterness stirring and surfacing at times. We could all be ignorant and pretend we are all fairies and love one another. That will last... For awhile. But bitterness as my father mentioned yesterday is a spirit, not an emotion. It does not arise like jealousy, it lingers. In this modern world, An example of the root of bitterness is Social Networking. You browse others images and think the aesthetic of the image makes up their whole lives. Status's become more personal. You do not even have to be a Facebook Friend to know someone's parents are getting a divorce or using Facebook to declare you are pregnant. Pictures of Cats and Dogs have been replaced by semi- nude pictures of you and your breakfast you had that morning.

People look at the way you put yourself out there. And Social Networking brings about a certain paranoia. I myself had suffered a bout of this specific paranoia. Like when I had found out I'm pregnant and a certain friend I guess you can say had a very peculiar status about pregnancy. You think ''ooookkkk is this about me? No don't be stupid. Buttttt why now?''. Or some people would have very detailed opinions about those who ''marry young''. The amount of times I roll my eyes makes me wonder why I still have eyeballs. A lot of times I am dying to make a status that says ''Yes, I fell pregnant. Maybe in your eyes that is more ''sinful'' than you killing a ant in cold- blooded murder but frankly, I do not care''. That would be mean and funny cause the status, their opinion although very dodge ball could entirely NOT be about you.

But these little things take root. Because the little things become many to those who allow it's festering. I have had older, single women openly undermine me and display their bitterness because at 21 I am married and I have a baby. They have their reasons for the things they say, but it does make me put my guard up. There are other instances of bitterness, like that dear old ex- best friend. You have never dealt with their departure from your life. Perhaps, you have new friends, a new best friend, new secrets to keep, more laughter and tears to deal with so the presence that was once there does not matter. It matters. It always matters. And to truly get over that, is to admit it.

People who have spoken about me in the past and they do not know I know, openly greet me now. I always allow myself to explore that moment. How do I feel about them now? Still Angry and hurt? Or just blissfully unaware. I have had both of these experiences. The latter feels WONDERFUL. To greet the one who hurt and offended you and NOT CARE. It's called Freedom. The sinking feeling you get when you realize that your not over something is the worst feeling because that means you did not grow or shift even slightly.

The point of my ramblings is, when you do encounter that someone not special. Do not push what your feeling down and block it in your mind, once again.

Good Luck
Reneva
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